In Meritage Divorce, I describe divorce through the “Barrel Refinement Process” a metaphor I use to describe the subtle changes that occur as we learn and grow through the experience of Divorce. You are the winemaker. Hop in—it’s a good place to hide out, safe and warm. The wood will protect your fragile being and hold you together. You get to re-produce yourself in here—make the most of this time communing with yourself. You’re going to spend some time drinking your own wine—spitting out what you don’t like along the way, and deciding what you swallow. You have to be courageous and learn to live by faith, as it can be dark in the barrel—but there is wine, and that is a good thing.
The length of time one spends in the barrel depends upon the type of wine. If you would like to mature to perfection, you need to take your time and use the barrel refinement process as a time to embark on self-discovery. Get back in touch with the “varietal of your core”. Often times in our blended marriages we are a modified version of ourselves. Blended correctly, we compliment, blended incorrectly and it’s hard to swallow. If you were in a bad blend, it’s possible to regain your root stock, re-produce yourself and be released on the other side of the journey more in touch with your authentic self, grounded, with more depth to your character. The barrel refinement process in divorce will add subtle changes to your character. You might turn out a little spicer than you were before! Your courage upon release will decant you. Find yourself through self discovery. Journal and explore your passions, what you are capable of, and design a wine life plan for the future. Remember, you do not need a label to define you. Your taste is all that matters. Get back in your bottle with confidence. This journey will birth the fruit of your soul. Others are going to want to guzzle you on the other side – cheers!